Online dating is something I keep going back to, despite it not really working for me. I did have a brief relationship with a guy I met online a few years ago but he’s the only person I’ve even met up with from a dating site. I obviously like writing about myself or I wouldn’t have a blog and I think that, combined with the online shopping feel to it, is where the appeal of online dating lies for me.
Whatever it is, I’m back at it. I’m actually on a couple because the first one made me cut down my ad to fit and I’d agonised over it so much that I had to find one where I could use the full thing. I was quite proud of my ad but now I’m worried it just makes me look a bit weird and doesn’t give that rounded a picture. Sod it, you can read it if you like.
A fun but slightly odd individual is looking for a funny, intelligent person to fill an exciting new role initially as date but the post has the potential to develop into that of boyfriend for the right candidate. The ideal applicant will understand that the rapidly rising price of Curly Wurlys is a serious issue – 38p at time of writing! (Sidenote: Is the plural Curly Wurlys or Curly Wurlies?) He will also possess post-apocalypse survival skills such as motor repair and hunting. Applicants MUST be able to laugh at themselves and should not embarrass easily. Knowledge of Garfunkel and Oates (yes, that is what I mean), The Princess Bride and the inherent evilness of HTML and CSS would be a bonus. Dog people preferred but not essential. Responsibilities include:
- Drinking wine (or other beverage of choice) and talking crap.
- Attending music and comedy gigs.
- Offering protection from threats such as zombies, caterpillars (horrible, furry little wiggly things) and clowns.
- Going on adventures – both the active, outdoorsy kind and the more gentle sightseeing and culture seeking type.
- Attending horror movie marathons (see above re: protection from zombies etc.)
- Being silly – you will be expected to join in with conversations about ninja dinosaurs, mermaids and other topics of that ilk.
- Stopping employer from drinking tequila.
Successful candidate will benefit from a laidback working environment, flexitime is available and there is a generous leave allowance – employer is very independent and doesn’t want you around all the time. You won’t be dragged to go see chick flicks or on shopping trips but you will be expected to go on the odd fancy dress night out (sorry). Despite being ridiculous a large amount of the time the employer is capable of serious conversations – and will in fact turn even ridiculous topics into serious conversations. Yes, it does matter which of your colleagues you’d eat first if you had to.
To apply send a CV (not really) and covering letter (well, message). Please be aware that applications may be rejected if the wrong your/you’re or there/their/there is used. Messages written in text speak won’t even be read.
So far I haven’t really taken it very seriously and I’ve been too much of a pansy to initiate contact with any of the men on there that I actually like and the ones who’ve contacted me have either been troglodytes, dumb, creepy or all three. But I’m going to start being more proactive. I’ve been single for two years next month. TWO YEARS. How the hell did that happen? Two years without a single date. People remarry quicker for crying out loud.
There doesn’t appear to be any actual point to this post. It could really have just been summed up with, “I’m online dating now,” but there you go.
I’m online dating now.